Blonde

I've gotta give credit to the director, this movie is a masturbatory masterpiece. He has made explicitly clear that there is no room here for anyone other than himself, least of all the audience. Unfortunately for him, the only good thing about this movie is Ana de Armas' turn as Marilyn Monroe, and that's not even very good because there is only one note for her to play over the course of the almost three-hour running time. Ana and Marilyn both deserve far better than this. Yes, this is a "fictionalized chronicle of the inner life of Marilyn Monroe," so take literally every shot of this movie with a grain or bushel of salt, or don't take it at all. 

A movie about the inner life of Marilyn Monroe should, by all accounts, be terribly sad and fraught, but also layered and with some manner of forward movement and growth. None of that is here. This is not really about Marilyn, it's about Marilyn via the men in her life. These men are unnamed in character (The Ex-athlete, The Playwright), for reasons that baffle me, especially since at one point a newspaper headline pops up stating, "Arthur Miller and Marilyn Monroe to Marry." No matter. Bobby Cannavale (deserving of more) is Joe DiMaggio (the ex-athlete), a one-note predatory brute. Adrien Brody (deserving of more) is a perhaps two-note Arthur MIller, the only man (really the only person other than her makeup artist) in this movie to show Marilyn anything even remotely like love, or kindness of any sort. Evan Williams and Xavier Samuel are the two beautiful young men playing Edward G. Robinson Jr and Charlie Chaplin Jr, whom Marilyn is shown as being with in a years-long throuple. 

Each partnership ends in pregnancy, and each pregnancy ends in miscarriage or forced abortion. Don't forget the talking fetuses begging her not to "kill" them like she did the others. There's a lot more to say about that, but I'll let other people do that so I can retain some amount of sanity. There's an NC-17 rating to this movie for the one and only reason that there are a couple of shots from "inside her vagina" during a previously-mentioned abortion. Let's remember that if it showed someone's head exploding right off of their body, it MIGHT be rated R. But vaginas are SCARY and women's wants and needs are UNIMPORTANT and and and and and. The lighting changes, the switches between b/w and color, and the focus shifting throughout the movie? No idea. Just another way to show off, I suppose. Andrew Dominik, the writer and director (double threat of bad) really wants us to know that he's seen movies before and he knows the tricks, even if those tricks make not one whit of difference or add any depth here. 

Marilyn is written as a completely helpless, weak, stupid, hystrionic siren undeserving of her own humanity or story, only useful as a vessel for rape and shame multiple times over.

Would not recommend.