If Skyfall had a drinking game, and the rules were to drink whenever you see Daniel Craig’s lovely barrel chest, you would be under the table shortly after the opening credits. Of course, then you’d have still caught the theme song and the opening scene, with its diving under tunnels and zooming along rooftops on motorcycles and a whole ton of fruit flying through the air. What I’m trying to say is, this movie is a lot of fun. It’s a joy just to be able to write that, since the last one was such a mind-numbing wreck. But we’ve got Sam Mendes flying the plane now, and he knows what’s up.
Craig has only been Bond for six years. Doesn’t it feel like longer? He still walks with his legs as far apart as he can get them without making us chuckle, and I’m pretty sure that his suits have gotten progressively tighter. I’ll take it. Each time I watch a Bond movie, I’m surprised by how little screen time the Bond Girls actually get. They get all sorts of silly names, and they’re generally beyond the call of duty attractive, but you better not take a bathroom break, because you just missed her scene. You shouldn’t be taking bathroom breaks during movies anyway. Anyhow, one of the Girls here is the lovely Naomie Harris, who, to me, will always be the girl from 28 Days Later, hacking her friend to death. She doesn’t do that here. Here she’s lithe and graceful, with an interest in straight razors and flutes of champagne. The other BG is played by Bérénice Lim Marlohe, who(m?) I’m fairly certain is from another planet. Her face is...out of control. Anyway, she’s in maybe three scenes, all of which are much appreciated.
Let’s talk villains. Bond movie villains are always completely over the top, and this one does not disappoint. Javier Bardem has a knack for playing whackadoos with terrible hair. Now he gets to play one with the added bonus of feeling up Daniel Craig. The two guys have a more sexually charged scene than Bond gets with either of the girls, so if that rings your chimes, get thee to a theater. Remember, though, Bardem has REALLY bad hair. And his weird mommy issues means he wants to hurt M, so, no thanks, bro, back away from Dame Judi.
Ralph (RAFE) Fiennes shows up as the new MI6 boss, and it’s nice to see him with a nose. Voldemort joke! And we get Ben Wishaw, all 90 pounds of him, as an extremely young Q with his head firmly up his own ass.
What? The plot? OK, there’s a list of names of MI6 agents and it’s going to be released to the public, which is really unfortunate, so Bond has to get it back from the bad guy with the really bad hair. And he gets a back story. James Bond was a kid once. I’ve never considered that as a possibility, and you’re lying if you say that you have.
Here’s the deal: it’s big, it’s loud, there are guns guns guns guns guns and trains and cars cars cars and gadgets and Shanghai and Turkey and PG13 sexytime and Daniel Craig and pretty girls and good reasons not to swallow cyanide. And of course, an Adele song to get stuck in your head for DAYS. Like I said, fun. Do it.
No comments:
Post a Comment